Murder Most Fowl Cause he's a bird
by ChaosCoyote
Summary: Gogo tries to have a romantic evening...but things take a turn for the worse when he finds his love hasn't been...faithful.


Acme Acres always made Gogo Dodo uneasy. Sure, he laughed and joked and did something wacky whenever he popped into existence, but in reality...it was the bitter sensation of order that made his feathers stand on end.

The taxing sensation that everything was in it's place, ad nothing was surreal like it should have been. The world outside of wacky land made him decidedly uncomfortable, and few things had the capability to draw him outside of it's reassuring boarders. Hanging out at the school every now and then was a big one. He had to learn how normal people acted in order to be wacky, of course. Another was his friends. Buster and Babs and the rest of them were so...very...WEIRD it pulled him to them like no other. Last...well last was the creature that made his eyes morph into large, red beating hearts. Candy. The bright, red fire hydrant that stood with all it's allure on the corner of Isadore and McKimson. Gogo blushed slightly, and took a deep breath, plunging himself towards her with all the grace and courage a young toon could muster under the gaze of such beauty. He'd been seeing Candy for the last few weeks and now- now was the night he planned to invite her back to Wackyland...

Gogo licked his lips, sliding his fingers softly across the fire hydrant's shiny, crimson chrome and blew a warm breath of air across the perky metal cap, slipping even closer to Candy with his heart racing madly in his chest.

"Hello my darling. It has been far too long since we last crossed paths." the dodo whispered in a voice that mimicked his passions. He pressed his body flush to the hydrant, and adjusted the umbrella jutting from the top of his head with a single choice set of fingers, while his other hand fondled across the crimson curves of his lover. "...My dear...tonight will be a night to remember...I will treat you like the scarlet queen that you are worshiping your curves and caressing your fine metallic body like no other. Our passions will reach the stars and the music we make will be the envy of heaven itself! Darling, I-"

Gogo paused in his romantic rambling, his fingers no longer caressing the scarlet chrome of his beloved and his breathing grew hot and mangled in his chest. It was impossible...absolutely impossible, but the evidence was right there in front of him- someone had removed the fire hydrants cap. It had been unsealed. Used. Defiled. Someone had opened her up, and sprayed her contents across a building...Gogo took a wavering step back, his eyes widening with disbelief and torment.  
"I...Impossible...it's impossible. "The Dodo squeaked quietly, feeling every shard of his shattered heart crashing to the pits of his soul.  
"You lied to me, Candy...Y, you promised you'd wait for me. Y, you promised you'd be mine...y, you said that...C, candy?! S, say it isn't so!! SAY IT AIN'T SO!" The dodo pleaded. But Candy was cruel with her silence, unable to provide the dodo with the answer he craved. Dodo took another step back, the sorrow and suffering rapidly turning to a burning hate in his eyes.  
"Y, you filthy...H, HOW DARE YOU!! DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING! YOUR SILENCE SCREAMS IT ALL! WHO WAS IT?! The Washing machine?! The lamp post?! It was the mailbox, wasn't it?! CURSE YOU POSTAL SERVICE!! CURSE YOUR PARCELS AND SWEEPSTAKES AND IRRESISTIBLE SUBSCRIPTIONS TO COSMO!! CURSE YOUR DEDICATION TO THE MAIL....and to breaking my heart." The Dodo sobbed in misery. The ground gave way underneath him, and he dropped to his knees, hands out stretched to the night's sky. There was no comfort to be found here. Not in the real world. Not outside of wacky land.

Sadly, Gogo stepped away from the fire hydrant he once loved, shaking his head in udder failure.  
"It can never work out...not now. I was crazy to fall in love. Crazy to think a fire hydrant like you, and a dodo like me could ever, really be happy. Did you think we had a chance? No darling, don't speak. Don't make it harder than this already is. Just...tell me I meant something to you..." Gogo whispered.  
Candy was silent.  
"I see...so that's the way it is. I wish you happiness with the path you've chosen. Goodbye my darling." The dodo huffed sadly, stuffed his hands into his make shift pockets, and sulked down the dimly lit city street. Back towards wacky land. Back where he belonged. He should have never gotten involved. He stopped when he realized his wandering steps had left him standing in the looming presence of his adversary.

The mailbox stood triumphantly in the night, glaring down at him, jeering at his suffering and mocking his torture without a word.  
"You...You've won her. She's yours, but you don't have to be so snide about it." Gogo snarled quietly. The mailbox remained silent in it's mocking.  
Gogo frowned, and shook his head.  
"At least be kind enough to leave me be in my heart break! I've had enough tonight!" Gogo pleaded.  
The mailbox chuckled silently, and stood very still, very quietly.  
"I...I'm warning you!! I'M WARNING YOU!" Gogo screamed.  
The mailbox perceived no threat. It didn't bother to move, nor speak or even acknowledge Gogo's presence.  
The world turned red and the next thing Gogo knew, the mailbox was on it's side with letters bleeding wildly all over the street.  
"OH...MI...GAWD!!! I KILLED HIM! OH GOD NO, WHAT HAVE I DONE?! I'M A MURDERER!! SPEAK TO ME!! PLEASE!!!" Gogo screamed, falling to his knees for the second time that night, but the box remained quiet in it's dying breaths, denying Gogo and sense of dignity to fulfill his wishes.  
"I...I have to get out of here! I...I've got to get away! GOT TO GET AWAY!" Gogo shrieked hysterically, wildly throwing himself into the city night.

Nearby, Babs stood with a single raised eyebrow and a letter in her right hand. She stared at the toppled over mailbox, and than off in the direction Gogo ran off. She sighed and reached a few fingers up to rub at her brow. Now she was going to have to find another way to get her Cosmo magazine.


End file.
